4D ultrasound- Live video!

Here is the video from the ultrasound yesterday. It take a couple times of watching it to make out the details, but you can see him open and close his mouth and pucker his lips. It's so awesome to see our little boy in such detail.

Also here is a pic of me at 32 weeks. It's getting more and more real each day! We love it!

32 weeks- 3D ultrasound

Today I wasn't able to see my OB because she ended up going home sick, but we were still able to keep the appointment for the ultrasound. The ultrasound tech spent at least 20 minutes with us taking all his measurements with the regular 2D ultrasound and then we just "played" with the 3D ultrasound for a while watching him move and blow kisses. . . it was so cute. We have a video as well which I will try to post later. The middle 3D pic his lips are puckered almost like he is making a kissy face. It was so precious to see him and his little face. He has such a cute round nose and pudgy cheeks! We can't wait to meet him in person!!! Seeing his little face makes it more and more real!!!

Also, this morning we had professional maternity pics taken. It was so fun and we look forward to getting those back. The rest of the day we spent together and shopping for baby stuff. We spent our Target gift cards on the stroller/carseat combo and went to Babies R Us to get the mattress. So, most of the BIG things, we are set on. It's so fun preparing for the new little guy in our lives!!! Well, I've gotta run. I'll write more later! All our love. . . .

30 Weeks- wow!

(This picture was taken at 28 weeks) It's hard to believe I've reached 30 weeks already. This pregnancy seemed to drag at first, just waiting on the next test/ultrasound. But the more "safe" everything became the quicker it's gone. I had an OB appt. yesterday. Everything continues to check out well. My belly is now measuring at 32 weeks, although my Dr. assures me that I'll likely be having an average size baby. She thinks he is probably just stretching out right now. In 2 weeks I'll have a 4D ultrasound to measure how big he is and also to see what he looks like! That will be so amazing! We're really looking forward to it. We're also having maternity pictures taken in 2 weeks with Curtis and I and baby belly. I think it will be fun. Who knows if I'll ever have the opportunity to be pregnant again so we may as well enjoy it and document it while we can.

I've had 3 amazing baby showers so far. Two with family and friends backhome and one last weekend with local friends/family. They've been SOOO fun and such a blessing! We're so blessed to have so many supportive friends and family members who have shared this journey with us. We continue to feel so blessed to have the opportunity to have a baby and can't say enough how much we've appreciated all of you and your continuous prayers though it all.

The further along I get the more anxious I get to meet this little guy. What will he look like?What will his personality be like? Will we be able to figure out the whole scheduling thing? Will I be able to nurse successfully? All these questions. . . We're just eager to see how it goes.

26 weeks

This past week I had another OB appointment. Everything is going so well, it's almost strange how easy it's been after getting past the initial fertility struggles. My blood pressure is good, weight is good, no concerns, the baby is growing on track with a perfect heartbeat. :) We couldn't ask for more! I am starting to feel him more and more. Not just kicks, but movement in general. I can feel him turn or roll at times. Recently I feel him move to one side or the other and it creates a hard lump in my belly. Then, looking down, my belly is assymetrical. It's crazy! It's so amazing. This pregnancy thing has been great on my body. Too bad it took such an ordeal to get here.

Tonight we picked up the new dresser/changing table at Babies 'R Us. We're anxious to get the nursery all together. Right now it's all painted and the crib is put together. Curtis just needs some help getting the dresser up the stairs. Now we need a small bookcase and some kind of chair. It's all so fun! It's hard to believe I'm almost into the 3rd trimester. We are so grateful for God's graciousness to us through all of this. He is So Good! :)

Getting bigger and better- 24 weeks

My belly keeps getting bigger and this little one keep getting more active. It's so awesome to feel him move and so often. He is quite the little dancer sometimes. :) We've narrowed down the names to probably 2. I doubt we'll decide for sure until we see him face to face.

Today we had the nursery painted. It looks really good! It's blue on 3 walls and brown on one wall to match the bedding. So far we have the crib and last weekend ordered the dresser/changing table combo. It's all coming together. :) We currently have several showers planned. Two will be the weekend of Nov 8th and 9th with one on Saturday with Curtis' family and the other on Sunday with my family/family friends. Then one here in Indy on Nov 15th for Indy friends etc. And then one more with work on Dec 1st. It's all so fun! I love parties. . . Hopefully all of you have received invitations to at least one shower. If not, let me know.

Overall I'm still feeling good. I do tire quickly. Last week I tried to clean my whole house and kind of overdid myself and had a little back pain for a couple days. I guess I'll have to pace myself a little better.

21 Weeks

Here are my belly pics from 20 weeks. I keep getting bigger every day, it seems. I'm still feeling great. I did start feeling him move as of Sept 1st. It started out as little gas bubble feelings that was hard to distinguish as a baby moving. With each week I'm feeling him stronger and stronger. Now it's no doubt that I'm feeling little kicks in there. He seems to be most active after I've eaten a meal and then sit or lie down. Curtis was even able to feel him move this past weekend. It's pretty amazing!!!!

We're starting to get more into the planning mode now that we know this is a little boy. We've got a few names that we keep coming back to, but still nothing for sure yet. I went to register with my sister's help a couple weekends ago. A lot of those little things, I have no idea what I need so it's nice to have someone who's been there and can offer some practical advice. We registered at Baby's R Us and Target. I also got a book called Baby Bargains which is helpful to tell you what you need, what you don't and what brands are good.

We both are sort of in "nesting" mode. I think more so it's realizing all the home improvements we want to get done before we have less money and less time. So, we're having an electrician come in to do some work this weekend so we can put up a light in our dining room and ceiling fans in the upstairs bedrooms. And, we'll be having someone come in to paint----which we've been putting off for a while. And probably will have him do the baby's room as well. I think we've decided on a "theme"- not of characters, but colors using light blue and chocolate brown.

It's all so exciting!!!!

18 week ultrasound

Today I went in for my next appointment. Curtis went with me, of course, since I would be having an ultrasound. All along we've been thinking that this baby would be a girl. . . . .well. . . . he fooled us. IT'S A BOY. There's no doubt about it. :) We were surprised, but excited. Curtis keeps getting more excited the more he thinks about it- all the "boy" things they can do together.

But, most importantly the baby looks perfectly healthy and everything is measuring just as it should. We are just so blessed to be able to HAVE a child. Period. We feel so honored that God is seeing fit to bless us with a baby.

Now the fun begins. . . names, nursery etc. . . . . We've decided, though, that once we pick a name we won't be sharing it with anyone until he's born. You'll have to wait in anticipation. :)

I'm continuing to feel great! Even some of the tiredness has gone away. I'm starting to feel fat, though and am pretty much in maternity clothes full time now. But, that's all fun too. Too bad the new wardrobe isn't useful for more than 4 or 5 months. Oh well. I'll post the next set of belly pics in a couple weeks.

16 weeks and growing

As you can see my belly is continuing to grow. I don't really realize how much until I see the photos of myself and compare to a month and 2 months ago. I think it's awesome! And to know there's a baby growing in there is just amazing. I think we're still in awe by the whole thing. To realize all this IVF stuff is panning out to be a real baby- what a miracle. God is SO good!

Yesterday I did some shopping for maternity clothes. I was getting to the point of having one pair of shorts, one pair of jeans, one pair of khaki's and limited shirts that still fit. So, now it's nice to have some clothes that I can breath in. . . it's nice.

In 2 weeks we find out the sex of this baby. I go in on August 29th for my next appointment and ultrasound. So, we're eagerly awaiting that day. :):) We're kind of thinking it's a girl, but we'll see. :) I'll keep you posted. :)

13 weeks

Yesterday I had my 2nd appt. with my OB/Gyn. Overall, everything looks great. She's amazed with how well I've been feeling. We were able to hear the heartbeat externally which was awesome! I'm right on the cusp as to whether or not the heart would be developed enough to hear it audibly externally, but we could hear it loud and clear. The rhythm was steady, no skips. . . . perfect. :) 165 bpm. I scheduled my next appointment for August 25th when I will be 18 weeks. I will have another ultrasound and should be able to determine the sex of the baby.

I'm beginning to outgrow some of my clothes. Many of my pants/shorts don't fit well anymore. Today I bought a pair of shorts- a size too big to get me through the summer- and a pair of khaki pants that roll up to capri's. Those are actually maternity, but fit well and should get me through fall. It's kind of fun to begin buying some new clothes, but I'm kind of a awkward size right now to find items that fit and will be useful a few months from now. I'll figure it out as I go. :)

I talked to my boss about the fact that I want to take the full 12 weeks for maternity leave and then return part-time 2 days a week. He did not seem surprised and expected that is what I would do. So, that is a relief to be getting that figured out. Also, my sister offered to watch this baby when I return to work part-time. That was a major answer to prayer!!!! So, it seems all is coming together! God is good!!! :)

12 weeks and counting

I've had some requests for new posts. I've gotten kind of lazy lately. Anyway, I'm now officially 12 weeks pregnant. I've taken a couple belly pics- the first one at 8 weeks, the 2nd at 12 weeks. I've been continuing to feel great. I've felt nauseous only a few times and lasting only 10 minutes or so. I've been a little more tired and hungry, but otherwise can't complain. It's nice to finally reach that 12 week mark and relax a little more. We've only just loosely began talking about names, but nothing too serious yet. I go back to the Dr. next week on the 22nd. I won't have another ultrasound until end of Aug/beginning of September to find out the sex of the baby. And, Yes, we're going to find out. We've had enough surprises that we want something predicatable for a change. :) Well, it will be a surprise either way, just whether or not we find out sooner or later. Well keep you posted. :)

9 wk OB appointment

Today I actually saw Dr. Fenoughty (my OB). Basically I just had to have 4 viles of blood taken, pee in a cup and I talked with her for 15 minutes. I'm increasingly confident in her taking over my care as I found out today that she herself underwent IVF for at least one of her children. She took a lot of time to answer my questions and helped alleviate my anxieties about this being an "IVF pregnancy". She thinks I will go earlier than January 28th since she said many of her IVF pregnant patients go early for whatever reason. We'll see. :) I'll see her again July 22nd- I think.
We've decided we'll be announcing this pregnancy within the next week. Yeah. :)

1st appt with OB nurse

Now that I'm released from Dr. Jarrett's care, I had my first OB appointment today. I didn't get to see the Dr. yet- but I'll see her this Friday. Today I just had an ultrasound and an appointment with the nurse. The ultrasound, as you can see is looking much more like a baby, than a blob. You can actually SEE a head and arms and legs. And, it was even wiggling! It's crazy!!! She took the heartbeat and it was 176bpm which she said was perfect. Also, to the right is a 3D ultrasound. At the top is the head, umbilical cord in the middle and you can kinda see legs at the bottom. Isn't that awesome?!!!! According to the ultrasound, they gave me a due date of January 28th- one day sooner than Dr. Jarrett had found. So that puts me at exactly 9 weeks today. It's still a little early, but we're getting more and more excited and may begin telling people this week or next week our happy news. We are SOOOO thrilled. I can't even tell you how much!

I continue to feel great. Slightly more tired/lazy at times. I'm hungry A LOT. But, really nothing else. My tummy is starting to feel a little tight and Curtis and I notice it's a little bigger, although probably no one else would notice yet. So far this pregnancy thing is agreeing with me! Thanks for your continued prayers!!!!

2nd OB Ultrasound

Today I returned for my 2nd US. Dr. Jarrett again did the ultrasound. He said everything looks perfect. We could see the heartbeat and even HEAR it at 160bpm!!!You can see the heart rhythm in the bottom left picture. You can even see the beginnings of arm and leg buds to the sides of the blob looking thing. According to the picture I noticed it dated me at 8 weeks exactly, but he gave me a due date of January 29th. Well, either way, we're due the last week in January. :) Yeah!!!!! So far I've been feeling awesome. Can't complain. No nausea, no extreme fatigue. . . . the only appreciable symptom is increased hunger that can become an "I'm so hungry, I don't feel good feeling", but no nausea. Even the breast tenderness has begun to subside. Initially I was worried that I wasn't "feeling" pregnant, but it was nice to confirm that all is well even if I don't feel much different. Dr. Jarrett officially released me from his care today. Typically he would see me one more time in 2 weeks, but he said he would be out of town and doesn't feel that I need to come in again as everything is looking good. So, I'm officially released to see my OB/Gyn. :) And, even my ovaries which were the size of grapefruits 2 weeks ago, have calmed down to normal size so my restrictions are lifted- although still to be cautious. We are so excited and continue to be more so with each confirmation that this is real and everything looks fine. This has been such an answer to prayer, a miracle from God. We are so truly grateful and blessed! I'll keep posting with new updates and pictures. . . .

1st OB Ultrasound

Our much anticipated first ultrasound was this afternoon. We were anxious hoping that everything would be developing correctly and also hoping for a heart beat. We had been told that there MIGHT be a heartbeat today, but it was still early. Well, Dr. Jarrett himself did the US and was quick to point out ONE yolk sac with the embryo and yes a BEATING heart. It was so neat to see. It's just a little white blob, but it had a quick flicker to it- the heart beat. Dr. Jarrett said everything looked perfect!!!! We were so excited and so relieved!!!! It's nice to see physical proof that I really am pregnant even though I don't feel too much different other than sore, swollen bbs. I think I'm right at about 6 weeks pregnant. We are so blessed and overjoyed with this pregnancy. We praise God and give HIM all the glory for this miracle!! We continue to pray for Him to sustain this life all the way through until we have a healthy baby in our arms- which should be about the end of January. :)
We are SOOOO excited and finally feeling as though it's real. I will have another ultrasound in 2 weeks and then another 2 weeks after that. Then, I'm released to my OB/Gyn. At that point (about 4th of July) I'll be 10 weeks and we'll probably start telling people. At least those that don't already know. :)
Keep looking for updated ultrasound pics. :)

2nd test results

I finally got my results from my 2nd blood test. I went in this morning before work. Typically they call between 2-3pm. The whole afternoon I was anxious waiting to hear back. I worked today, but was very distracted waiting on this call. It soon became after 3pm and they hadn't called yet. I felt like I was going to have a heart attack waiting. I called the office requesting that the nurse call me ASAP. Finally she called about 3:30. My levels didn't completely double coming back at 360 when we were hoping for 400ish. But, she said she checked with Dr. Jarrett and he was still pleased with the numbers. It was a 73% increase and he likes to see at least 60%. So, despite some anxiety about the numbers, it appears that everything is ok thus far and I am officially pregnant. :) :) The progesterone levels came back high which is a good thing. I am now scheduled for my first OB ultrasound on June 2nd. This should indicate a yolk sac and possibly a heartbeat. If there isn't a heartbeat yet, we'll do another ultrasound a week later to make sure there is. We are definitely excited, but still cautious. We want to see a healthy ultrasound before we start to relax about all this. I have read a lot and talked to a lot of people which makes me anxious. Those that do IVF do have a slightly higher miscarriage risk primarily because positive pregnancy is determined way earlier than "normal" pregnancies. We are definitely still having to put our trust in God and his protection. This whole IVF thing is so anxiety provoking even after getting a positive result. Whew. Will my heart every slow down? It's definitely continuing to teach us to trust God and not to fear. He has this little embryo in His hands and we have to trust him with that. Thanks so much for all of your encouragement, prayers and well wishes!!!!

The Results. . . . .

Today I went for my blood draw at 8:15. We've been SOOO nervous the past few days anticipating this day. I feel like our lives have been a continual prayer! Anyway, I gave my blood then left to run some errands. I met my friend Molly for lunch which was a good reprieve for me. Sometimes when I'm anxious about something I tend to want to retreat into myself, but Molly is good about encouraging me to get out and think about something else. I then went home to wait. . . and wait. . . .and wait. Finally the nurse called at 2:30. "You did it",she said. "You're pregnant"! I could not believe my ears. I was about to cry or scream or both. She said my HCG levels came back at 207!!!!!! I was shaking by the time I got off the phone. I then immediately called Curtis who also was SOO excited and could hardly believe the news. I'm definitely still in shock even as I write this. Praise God!!!! I go in for a repeat test on Friday and the HCG levels should at least double to indicate a positive FOR SURE. Then, it's still not DEFINITE until an ultrasound a couple weeks later. We are SOOOO excited. But, please don't stop praying yet. Also, please don't tell the general public yet as you can see it's super early. We'll let you know when it's OK to tell the world. :) Thanks for your continued prayers!!

Psalm 126:3 The Lord has done great things for us, and we are filled with joy!!!!

Anticipation

I know many of you have asked. . . . my pregnancy test is this Wednesday (5/21). I'll go in around 8ish and I should have the results by 2ish in the afternoon. This will be 12 days post transfer. This will be testing for the level of HCG in my blood. Anything 5-50 is inconclusive, 50+ is considered positive. BUT, will not be for sure until a 2nd test which would occur on Friday (5/23). AND, even if that tests positive, nothing is for sure for sure until an ultrasound confirms it. So, all this to say. . . yes Wednesday is the day, but if that is positive it's not over.

I am feeling more positive this time compared to last time, but unwilling to be too sure about anything. I've had some sorta pregnancy like symptoms, but I'm not trying to read into anything as it could be a result of side effects from the progesterone.

It's SOOOO hard to wait. Sometimes I feel like it's all I think about.. . . I just want an answer. YES or NO.. . . . .
Thanks so much for your prayers and encouragement!!!

A Grateful Heart

Today being Mother's Day was kind of a bittersweet day. One of hope that perhaps I may be becoming mother as we speak. Or one of disappointment that I may never mother my own biological child. Our pastor gave a great message today of how if Jesus is at the "core" of our lives than thankfulness should abound in everything we say and do regardless of circumstances. Our lives should be an example of faith, hope and love. One example he gave was of a couple struggling with infertility and wondering why God won't grant the desires of their hearts, but knowing that the suffering will all be understood either in this life or the next. And the trust in God that should then exude despite the suffering. This certainly struck at the center of my being. Yes, having a child IS the desire of our hearts, but we are trying to keep Christ at the center. It's easy to make our desire of a child our "Idol". Our prayer is that we are keeping faith in God's plan regardless of what that is, hoping for His best and continuing to love each other and Him all the while. Wow, how hard that all is. But, we do have A LOT to be grateful for. The fact that we financially have the option of even trying IVF, good jobs that we enjoy (for the most part :)), a nice house, wonderful and supportive families and friends. Sometimes it's easy to lose focus on what we do have and how blessed we are.

Obviously our continued prayer is that this IVF attempt proves successful. That God's would see fit to bless our desire for a child, but we know His will may not be our will. Regardless we're trying to put our trust in Him. Please continue to pray for us, not only for the success of this IVF, but also for the condition of our hearts; that we would remain grateful regardless of circumstance. We love all of you and your encouragement and blog comments have truly been an example of the body of Christ.

Transfer

This morning we woke up at the crack of dawn to get to my acupuncture appointment by 6:15. That appointment was wonderfully relaxing. I was done by 7 and had time to kill before the transfer at 7:45. So, we went to Le Peep's for a quick breakfast (mm mm). Then we got to the hospital, I took my Valium in the parking lot and then began drinking water like it was my job! Once there they just took my vitals, gave me a lovely gown to change into and then took us back to the transfer room at about 9am. Dr. Jarrett did do the procedure, thankfully, although he didn't look like he was staying long. He had on work out pants and a shirt when usually he has scrubs on. The biologist came in with the report of our embryos. We only had 2 fertilize and one had divided to 4 cell, the other to 7 cells. They were both graded a 2/4 which is considered good, but not great. They said they've still had a lot of pregnancies result from grade 2's. Here is the picture of our baby embryos.

We're praying at least one of them holds on!!!!!!! The procedure took about 5 minutes- just loading the embryos in a thin catheter and placing them directly in the uterus guided by an abdominal ultrasound. I then laid there for 5 minutes and then was able to get up, go the bathroom, get dressed and ready to leave. I then returned to the acupuncture clinic for a final treatment. With the help of the Valium I fell asleep on the treatment table. It was wonderful. We then came home to crash on the couch which is where I've been up to now. I'm looking forward to a relaxing weekend of nothingness. Lots of reading, movies etc. Thanks for all of your continued prayers. We're remaining hopeful. . . . . .

Fertilization report

This morning the biologist called to inform of the fertilization at this point. So far only 2 show signs of fertilization. I was bummed that only 2 out of 6. There is the possibility that more could fertilize in the next day or so. But, now we're really praying that those 2 continue to divide and grow like they are supposed to. All it takes is one, but it's nerve racking to know we only have 2 to chose from and hopefully both of those mature to use them both.

The transfer is scheduled for 9am on Friday (5/9) and we have to be there by 7:45. Before that I will have an acupuncture treatment at 6:45 at the clinic just up the road. So, please pray for our embryos and their development. Pray for the transfer to go well, for me to stay relaxed and for one of them to stick!!!! Even though we may only have 1 or 2 to transfer back, I keep hearing God's voice telling me to trust Him. It's so hard! It's so easy to worry!

One thing that's been on my heart lately is just the sadness of having to go to this degree and this much stress to have a child. So many people can have children so easily and take that for granted. This kind of sadness is not one you can understand unless you've been there yourself. I have to remind myself when others are talking about their ease of having children etc. that it's not meant to be hurtful towards me. Sometimes being around moms and their babies or pregnant women is hard for me. Sometimes I just have to walk away and take a few deep breaths and remind myself that God has something good for me too. I just have to trust Him with that. You might call it jealousy or covetousness or whatever you wish, but it's real and it's hard to quite that feeling. But, we're praying that this will be our chance, our turn to have a child. We pray that God will bless that.

Proverbs 3:5 TRUST in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.

Retrieval day

This morning we arrived at the hospital expecting the usual from last time. When I was being lead back to the prep room the nurse asked to confirm that Dr. Schultz was doing my procedure. I said, No, I was expecting Dr. Jarrett. Well, she called up to his office to find out that it was going to be Dr. Schultz since Dr. Jarrett was off today. She understood my being upset and suggested that I talk to the office about my feelings and the fact that no one informed me it would be Dr. Schultz (his partner). I was given a gown and robe to change into and gradually began to feel more and more upset about the whole thing. I began to cry and then sob about it all. Curtis held me and prayed with me that we could trust God no matter who did the procedure. I kept saying, "I'm sure she's good, but she's not MY Dr. and I wasn't expecting this." I laid down on the bed trying to calm down praying and talking to myself. I kept thinking, God is bigger than this and His will will be carried out regardless of who does the retrieval. I then heard Dr. Jarrett's voice out the hallway. I was thinking, what is he doing here if it's his day off, but was sure he was just passing through. The biologist then came in to go over a few things with me, then the nurse to put in the IV. While one nurse was doing the IV the original nurse came in to tell me that Dr. Jarrett was in fact here and would be doing the retrieval. I thought, "are you serious?". She said that somehow he's come in to do it. She wasn't sure of the details. Then, when he came in I said, "I thought you were supposed to be off today.' He said, "Well, I was. . . I was supposed to be leaving for New Orleans this morning." It turns out he was supposed to be going with his wife for something with her business, but late last night found out he didn't have to go. I told him how glad I was he was there and would be doing the retrieval. He said, "I wouldn't miss it". But, I'm thinking, well you almost did. . . . He then wheeled the bed and me down to the OR. Then I asked, "So I hear that you don't do transfers on Fridays?" He said, "well, not necessarily". I then asked, "Is there any chance you could do my transfer on Friday?"
He said he would do his best. So as you can see, it was kind of a stressful morning even before anything got started, but it all worked out in the end. Curtis was saying how God is just continuing to teach us to trust Him more and more. Man, but what a hard lesson.

So, anyway, about the retrieval. All in all it went well. He was only able to retrieve 6 eggs, which I was kind of bummed about. I asked him afterward if the others weren't mature and he said, "For you, 6 is good." Whatever that means. So maybe the other follicles weren't mature or didn't contain an egg or who knows. Anyway, it doesn't matter. Now we're praying that all or at least most fertilize enough that we have 2 really good embryos to transfer back on Friday.

Today is a beautiful day to be home to rest. I was dozing while reclining on the patio earlier. Curtis is working on draining and refilling the hot tub and is pretty excited about using it now. :)

Tomorrow is the day

Today I had final blood work and found that my estradiol (estrogen) is now 2000 something. Ideal is around 1500, so I'm close. The first time around it was 6000. Not good. Anyway, everything is still a go for tomorrow morning. We are to arrive at 8am with the retrieval scheduled at 9:30. It basically goes like any other surgery. We'll go back to the prep room, change into an oh so lovely gown. Get the IV put in and wait until they take me back to the OR. Last time they let me walk in and lie down the table. I'll get a "cocktail" of meds to induce a conscious sedation (which basically feels like general anesthesia because I don't remember a thing). Then it's off to la la land while Dr. Jarrett retrieves the eggs via needle aspiration. We're praying for large number of mature eggs and that all fertilize well. Then, the transfer will happen on Friday (5/9) if all goes well. Unfortunately Dr. Schultz will do the transfer. She is Dr. Jarrett's partner and I'm sure she's good, but she's not MY Dr. Oh well. I'm sure it will be fine. Dr. Jarrett doesn't do the transfers on Fridays. . .
I'll let you know how things go in the next day or so. Thanks for the prayers!!!!!

New updates

I have had 3 appointments this past week for ultrasounds/blood work. This time the follicles are progressing nicely, but slowly. Which is fine considering what happened last time with the OVER stimulation. My last appointment was this Saturday. I had about 6 follicles on my left ovary and 3 on the right with many other small ones slowly progressing. And, the most important part, my hormone levels are right on where they should be. The nurse talked to Dr. Jarrett and then called me later in the day. Dr. Jarrett is pleased with the progress and believes I'm ready to go ahead with the egg retrieval on Tuesday (5/6). So, I was instructed to give myself the HCG injections tonight at 9:30 to mature the eggs and prepare them for ovulation. The timing on the shot has to be exact because the retrieval will happen exactly 36 hours later and ovulation would occur by 40 hours. So, he has to get them out before they ovulate on their own. Tomorrow morning I go in for my "Pre-Op" appointment to discuss paperwork and what to do on Tuesday and I have final blood work taken. So, we're please that everything seems to be progressing on schedule.

I am now officially DONE with shots. YEAH!!!!!! All I would have left as far as meds is progesterone as a pill or suppository (ugh). The only other needle sticks I have left are the blood draw tomorrow, the IV with the retrieval and the needle aspiration of the eggs. Oh, and one more acupuncture the day of transfer. OK, I guess that is still a lot of needles. See what I mean about being a pin cushion?????? Oh well, it will all be worth it to have a baby at the end!

We've been working like crazy on our yard with planting, transplanting, mulching etc. because I know as of this week. . . . my butt is going to be planted in a chair for a few weeks. That won't be all bad. I'll enjoy sitting outside (hopefully) reading and spending some time relaxing, praying etc. It will be a good thing.

FSH shots

Well, so far the "big" FSH shots haven't been too bad. It helps that Dr. Jarrett decreased my dose by about 1/2 from what it was the first time. So, there is less medication to push through the tiny needle and it takes less time to mix etc. So, I'm pleasantly surprised. I do notice though that I have some adhesions/scar tissue from the previous numerous injections in my belly. There are some areas where the needle does not go in easily and it hurts like crazy. So I'm trying to avoid those spots. I'm running out of good spots. . . .

I have my first ultrasound/bloodwork tomorrow after starting the FSH to get an idea of how things are progressing. Hopefully we're on track. Please pray toward that end! :)

I've also had another acupuncture treatment last week. It's interesting. I don't really feel any different after it's done, but hoping that my hormones etc. are responding will to it. Although, I did come home from it this last week and felt inspired to do some cleaning out and organization. Curtis said, "we'll have to send you to do the acupuncture more often." Very funny.

This is a stressful process despite TRYING to say relaxed. Just the waiting, wondering what's going to happen next, how am I going to respond, will the eggs develop well, will the eggs fertilize etc.. . .. . it's so easy to get into a pattern of worrying. I'm just praying for God to calm my heart and teach me to trust Him over and over again. He knows what is in store and we know it's GOOD. Oh, if only I could teach my heart to know that and give up worrying about it! I'll let you all know how tomorrow goes.

Moving on

I know it's been a long time since I've posted last. You all are probably wondering what has been going on with me/us. Well, to be honest until recently there wasn't much to say. Just waiting. And, I think it's probably been good for me to "disconnect" from the blog, IVF forums etc for a while. It was getting a little obsessive last time around. Also, it's been good to have my mind on other things. Happy things. Not worrying. I must say, I think the spring time does help my overall mood and outlook on life.

Anyway, I'm getting into the thick of the meds. I started the Lupron injections a week ago and have just finished 22 days of birth control pills. For those of you who don't know- these are to depress my own hormones so that the artificial stimulating hormones can take full effect. Getting back to doing the injections again was as though I never stopped. No big thing. At least not so far. The stimulating meds (FSH) are a bigger deal. I'll let you know how that goes in a week. I start those on 4/25.

I've been doing a lot of reading in the past couple months. I've been learning what else I can do to maximize my chances of success this time. Let's face it- only 30% isn't great so anything I can do to improve that is positive. I've been reading a lot about Traditional Chinese Medicine and what that can offer. It's been eye opening and I think it does provide another perspective to improve fertility. Basically I've been trying to do some diet modifications including eating primarily organic meats and produce, taking some supplements and trying to find methods to relax and de-stress. I'm also pursing doing accupuncture as several studies indicate that this improves IVF success rates. I had my first accupuncture consult/treatment this past Wednesday. It was an interesting experience. I'm just hopeful it will provide a method of relaxation and improve my odds. I will continue the treatments weekly until the transfer and then one treatment the morning of the transfer and one a week later.

I also had my "Start Cycle" appointment this past week. This basically entailed having a baseline ultrasound and bloodwork, discussing when I do what meds and forking over a whole load of cash. In a way, though, it was a relief to pay it and know that we are DONE paying. We now have 3 chances with that $- God forbid we need them all. My ultrasound and bloodwork came back normal so everything is a go so far. I'll keep you posted.:)

The Next Step

Today I had a post-consultation appointment to discuss the events of last month. Dr. Jarrett reviewed how everything went and emphasized how surprised he was at how well I responded to the meds. He said he's never seen anything like it. He's never seen someone with severe endometriosis having just had laparoscopic surgery with removal of a 4 cm cyst respond so well. BUT as well all know, I over responded. He also discussed how the embryos were a very good quality, but for whatever reason did not implant. He asked if we planned to do this again to which we responded, Yes. I also asked if, given what he knows about me now, if I could qualify for the Shared Risk plan. He said I would!!! Basically this means we would pay about 20k for up to 3 more tries and if it doesn't work or we decide to back out, we'll get 75% of our money back. Initially I did not qualify for this because he predicted me to respond poorly to the meds. So, that is definitely good news. At least it takes off some of the finanical burden. . . although, who am I kidding? 20K is still a crap load of money. But, at least if it didn't work, we could apply some of it towards adoption.

Anyway, here we go again. I'll start the meds again in April and the retrival/transfer will likely happen around the 1st week of May.

We hope this will work this time. This whole process gets very exhausting and we feel like our life is almost "on hold" while going through it. It even gets exhausting talking and thinking about it all the time. So, please use this blog as a means to keep up to date on our events if you are interested and/or wish to partner with us in prayer about it. I'd really rather not repeat myself over and over about what is going on.
Thanks again for your interest and prayer.

The results are in. . . .

I went in for my beta (blood test) this AM. I already had a bad feeling about it. Just with as sick as I have been the past couple weeks and especially this past weekend. I also took a HPT (home pregnancy test) yesterday just to see what it would say. It of course indicated a BFN (big fat negative). So, I was prepared for the same with this beta. And, I'm sorry to say. . . . I was right. It was in fact negative. Anything above 5 is considered positive (although above 50 is preferred). I was 2. Great, huh? It's very frustrating. Especially knowing how much prayer support we had. Although just because we pray about something doesn't mean God will give us exactly what we ask for. I just wish I knew the big picture. I wish I knew whether or not we will ever be able to have our own child.

Curtis and I talked a long time last night (anticipating a negative today) about how frustrating it is to blow 12k with nothing to show for it. And to consider doing it again with again the possibility of nothing to show for it. Not only just the $, but the "wasted" time, shots, stress etc. Just the realization that it's not fair. And we know, "life is not fair". We've all heard it a 100 times, but to actually live it is something all together different. Also, one thing he said is how unfair it is that we have to make the choice of how much a child is worth to us. That is just an awful thing to think about. Most people think, "hey, I'd like to have a couple kids" and wha la-- they do. They don't have to put their $ on that decision. Not like this. We're in the place of determining is a child worth 12, 24, 40K? What if we spend all this money on IVF and still get nothing. Do we want to invest more $ in adoption? This could get real expensive real fast. No we don't have an answer yet on how much a child is worth so to speak. Just frustrated that we are put in a spot to make such a decision.

Somehow we pick up the pieces and move on. Likely we will try this at least once more before we throw in the towel. We know that God is still good and His ways are perfect. (They just don't always feel that way.) One verse I read yesterday was Psalm 37:7a Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him; It struck me as relavant to our life right now. But, how hard it is to be STILL and WAIT. . . .

Thank you all for your support, your prayers, your love. Your encouragement has meant the world to us.

Waiting. . . .

Well, we're over a week into the waiting with 5 more days to go. It is hard just to sit and wait and wonder. . . . . . We've done a lot of praying and pondering. I keep trying to imagine the scenario both ways to be prepared for either answer. Truthfully, it's more likely that is it negative and I keep trying to tell myself that just to keep from getting my hopes up. I've been hyperaware of what my body is feeling. Every little twinge or cramp I wonder, "could that be anthing?". I also am continuing to get over a bad cold with a bad cough and there have been times I feel like I'm going to pop and ovary with as hard as I'm coughing. I hope that doesn't interrupt anything. Most everything I've read though says that if they're going to implant they will regardless of things like that.

I truly have no idea what to expect next week. I don't have a feeling either way. We are trying to remain hopeful, but at the same time skeptical. Hoping for the best, but expecting the worst. Still knowing that God has a plan- just wish I knew what it was. :)

TRANSFER TODAY!!!!!

This morning we arrived at Clarion North at 7:45. I took my valium in the parking lot as instructed. I then began drinking my 2 bottles of water to fill up my bladder to assure a clear ulrasound picture. We were taken back to the prep room to get a gown on, sign paperwork etc. By the time they came to take me back I was feeling a little loopy. Kinda felt like I'd had a couple glasses of wine. Curtis came back with me as well. We were taken to a room with a nice exam table with stir-ups. The biologist came in with Dr. Jarrett to show us the pictures of the embryos. He decided to transfer 3, 2 at the 4 cell stage, 1 at the 2 cell stage that were looking very good quality. I will try to scan a picture in later. The last embryo she said had not divided any further and was beginning to "fragment" and would be discarded. Dr. Jarrett positioned me, and then with an abdominal ultrasound he guided the catheter in to deposit the embryos. The procedure took less than 10 minutes total. I then had to lie still for 5 minutes and was then free to get up and go back to my prep room to get dressed. After a final vital sign check we were free to go. On the way home I was falling asleep in the car from the valium and came home and immediately crashed on the couch. And here I stay for a couple days. Now the wait begins . . . . I return for a pregnancy test on February 20th. Thank you all for your continued prayers!!!!!

Newest lab update

The lab called again this morning to let me know that the 4/5 embryos that were thawed divided overnight to the 2 cell stage. Hopefully by tomorrow they will all have divided again and continue to be developing as they should. :) By tomorrow they will be able to better determine the quality of the embryos in order to be able to choose the best 2-3 to put back. The rest will be left to continue to develop hopefully to the blastocyst stage to be re-frozen. However, she did say that the liklihood of that is not great. Usually the 1-2 left behind are of lesser quality and the chance of making it to the blastocyst stage is not great. So, we should have 4 to choose from tomorrow. We're trying to be calm about the whole process, but inside truly anxious. We keep praying for God to give us a peace and a patience through this. Last night I even dreamt about the procedure which was quite funny.
Anyway, thank you so much for your continued prayers and ask that you continue through tomorrow and beyond. We love you guys!

Lab update

Today the lab called to let me know they thawed 3 embryos, but 1 did not make it. She was requesting approval from me to thaw 1-2 more as Dr. Jarrett would like 3 to choose from for the transfer. They should call again tomorrow to let us know the progress on development etc.

Dr. Jarrett's office called as well to let us know that they have my time scheduled for the transfer. It will be at 8:45 am on Thursday with arrival time at 7:45 am.

Last night Marla (my good friend who is also an internist) came over to show Curtis how to do the progesterone IM injections. She did the one last night and tonight we were on our own. Curtis did a good job although I'm realizing I'm going to have some very sore cheeks after a few days!

I'll let you know more details tomorrow. We feel your prayers every day!!! Thank you so much!

Another Ultrasound

Yesterday I had another appointment for an ultrasound and bloodwork. I'm getting too used to all these needle sticks. Basically, this was to check that the endometrium is thickening adequately and that the other hormone levels are good. Those tests came back fine. The plan now is to do the transfer next Thursday on February 7th. I continue with the estrogen pills and begin the big intramuscular progesterone injections Feb 4th. Curtis will have to do these injections unless I'm able to find someone else to help out. I'll be off work next Thursday and Friday on basically "bedrest".

We know the liklihood that this may not work. We understand, but still fear that possibility. We are trying to trust that God knows best for our future and our family. Please keep praying!!!

The next step

Yesterday the nurse called to let me know that my estradiol levels came back low, as they should be. So, that cyst is nothing to be too concerned about. I'm to continue with the estrogen supplements daily and I will have another ultrasound/blood work January 30th to see how things are progressing. The tentative date of transfer, should things progress on schedule, is Friday, Feb 8th.

Our prayer list is:
1) that ALL 3 embryos will thaw successfully and begin to divide and develop normally.
2) the drugs I'm taking will do what they are supposed to do (but not to excess like before) :) and that Curtis can give me the big shots in the hip without too much drama.
3) that the transfer will go smoothly
4) that the transfer will be successful despite the 25-30% statistic

Curtis and I were talking about how so far I have not met expectations on statistics. Dr. Jarrett expected my ovaries to not stimulate adequately when they actually OVERSTIMULATED. Also, the ICSI is supposed to be a sure thing for fertilization. NONE of those took and 6/7 of the others did which statistically should only be 60% success. We continue to be reminded that GOD is in control here and truly statics don't matter. So, that being said, we are prayerful that we defy the statistics again by achieving success despite the low odds. Thank you so much for all of your support and prayers. They continue to bless us daily!

Post Cycle Consultation

Today we met with Dr. Jarrett to discuss this past month's events and plan for the future. He explained how my estrogen and progesterone levels went WAY too high and not only put me at risk for Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome (OHSS), which he said could have left me hospitalized for 3 weeks, but also levels that high are typically not successful for implantation.
So, he is confident that we did the right thing by postponing the transfer.

Conveniently, today is Day 1 of my next cycle- which seems a little weird telling you all that. . . but timing was perfect to get my estradiol levels and do an ultrasound to check my ovaries now. I still have a large cyst on my right ovary which may or may not be concerning based on how my lab levels come back. So, tonight I started an estrogen supplement to then begin to build up my endometriom lining again. This I will continue for a while until we decide and deem ready to do the transfer. If my hormone levels come back ok, that may be the week of February 18th.

Dr. Jarrett plans on thawing 3 of the embryos that are at the pronuclear stage, letting them develop futher and then decide whether we put 2 vs. 3 back. He said he wants to leave the blastocyst embryo frozen for now since it's difficult to thaw and transfer embryos that are at different stages of development. Overall it's a 25-30% chance of success. Keep praying!!!!!:)

Today was a busy, crazy day. Curtis met me for my appointment in Carmel- which took way longer than we thought. We quickly grabbed lunch and then back to our respective work. I'm very tired. Goodnight. More later. :)

Surprise update

Today the IVF lab called and left us a message that they had an update and to call them back. We wondered what in the world could they have to update us about since all the embryos were frozen last Tuesday. I called them back and they informed me that one of the eggs that didn't fertilize right away ended up fertilizing later. It then actually grew up to the blastocyst stage and even to the point of differentiating into cells that will form the baby and the placenta. They then froze that embryo today. She was calling to inform me of all this. So, I guess we have 6 total embryos frozen. The first 5 were frozen at the pronuclear stage just prior to any cell divisions. At the point that they thaw, they should continue to divide and develop. Here's hoping and praying!

I have an appointment scheduled with Dr. Jarrett for January 21st to discuss protocol for the frozen transfer (FET). We are remaining hopeful. . . . . .

Fertilization report

Early this morning a biologist from the IVF lab called to give me the report. It turns out that 5 of the 7 that were allowed to fertilize regularly have fertilized. Unfortunately none of the 3 that had ICSI fertilized. She did say, though, that just because a sperm is injected into the egg does not guarantee it will fertilize. Actually 2 did not survive the ICSI procedure. It is such a delicate procedure. It's amazing they can do that at all. I had the thought that apparently Curtis' sperm don't like being told what to do- kinda like their owner. :) Ha ha. They were going to go ahead and freeze the fertilized ones today. Hopefully we'll get at least a couple good ones to survive the thaw. Anyway, Dr. Jarrett is supposed to call me today to let me know what the next step is and answer any questions.

Egg Retrieval

Today we drove up to Clarion North by 9am to be checked in for my egg retrieval. We anticipated the possibility of this being done by laparoscopy due to the endometriosis having adhered my cervix to my bowel. I was hooked up to the IV and then we spoke with a biologist, the anesthesiologist and finally Dr. Jarrett. Dr. Jarrett said that he would try his best to do the retrieval without laparoscopy. I asked him if he was surprised that my ovaries stimulated so much. He said, "Yes, pleasantly surprised. Good job. Now I just need to get them out."

I then was taken to the IVF OR where I was hooked up to all sorts of monitors and then given a cocktail of meds to put me to sleep. It wasn't general anesthesia, but felt like it. I think it took about 20-30 minutes and he was able to do the retrieval normally with the needle aspiration although somewhat challenging. Yeah! Curtis was sent to do his part. Dr. Jarrett told Curtis afterward that he was able to extract 10 good quality eggs and was very pleased with that. There were more follicles than that, but many of them were so crowded that he wasn't able to aspirate all of them. So now the biologists are doing their part and will call us in the morning with the fertilization report. In a couple days they will freeze them all and then in a month we'll try the 2nd half of this process and hope that a baby will result from all this technology. Thanks for your prayers. Everything went as well today as it could have!

3rd Ultrasound

This morning I went in at 8am for another blood draw and ultrasound. I have about 17 follicles with 12 on the left and 5 on the right. They are getting quite large at this point. We were feeling discouraged when we left just anticipating that this cycle would be cancelled. Then early this afternoon the nurse called and said that my hormone levels were continuing to get higher. Dr Jarrett decided that we have two options. We could cancel this cycle and let my ovaries quite down and then try again. OR we could go through with the retrival and fertilization and freeze them all. Then in a month do a frozen transfer. We can't go through with the transfer now because I am at high risk for ovarian hyperstimulation which can lead to some bad things including hospitalization and at worst death. Definitely don't want to risk that. We've thought it through and think that finanically and physically the frozen transfer would probably be our best bet. It's discouraging to think about having spent 3K on drugs and having given myself injections for a month for NOTHING. That's what it would be if we cancelled. So we'll try the frozen transfer and pray for the best. So that is the plan. I go in for retrival on Monday morning at 10:30. We'll let you know how it goes.

More news

Ok, so the nurse called this afternoon. I guess my hormone levels are shooting up faster than expected and a little more than they should be. I have to go in tomorrow for more bloodwork and ultrasounds. It could be that things are going too fast and my body may be ovulating too soon. So, she did say that there is a chance this cycle could be cancelled. . . . .We are praying against that and hope that you will as well. I'm not supposed to do my stimulating meds tomorrow. Pray that things slow down so this cycle can continue. I'm trying to be hopeful, but can't help but be somewhat discouraged. Earlier today I thought things were going great. Now not as much. But, still holding on. . .

2nd Ultrasound

This morning I had my 2nd ultrasound. It seems that my ovaries are developing follicles very well (at least my left one). My left had >10 that are nearing mature size and the right had 4-5. The nurse will give all of this information to Dr. Jarrett, but she said that I may be ready for retrieval sooner than expected, possibly as soon as this Sunday. She is supposed to call back this afternoon with the decision. This seems to be going quick! Quicker than we had thought, but I'm thankful that my body is doing what it is supposed to.

I am beginning to get uncomfortable. I can tell that my left ovary is working overtime because I am feeling more and more bloated with a definite discomfort on my left side. I'll keep you all posted after the nurse calls this afternoon.

First Ultrasound

Today I had my first ultrasound to see how effective the meds are at stimulating my ovaries to produce eggs. The nurse checked the uterine lining to see if it is thickening adequately, and it is. :) Also she checked the ovaries for developing follicles (which SHOULD contain eggs). My left ovary had about 10 including a few larger ones that were measured and 7-8 smaller ones that are still growing. My right ovary only had about 4 follicles. We expected the right ovary to be less reactive than the left due to the endometrioma cyst that was removed during my laparoscopic surgery. So, basically, things are progressing as they should be! Praise the Lord! The follicles are about
12x10 - 12x14 mm right now and mature size is 18x18.

I also had blood work done to check my estridol, progesterone, LH and FSH (I think). All this information was then given to Dr. Jarrett who determined that I should continue with my current dosage of FSH and return for another ultrasound and bloodwork on Friday. And so we go on..... The injections have gotten better by the way. I'm no longer getting light headed or passing out, but it still is a little unnerving. Oh well, just a few more days. Here is a glimpse at my poor stomach. Hence the title of this blog!

I'm just grateful that my body seems to be responding to the meds as it should. That was my first prayer through all this. Our 2nd prayer is for this IVF to be SUCCESSFUL the 1ST time.
Well, that is the latest news. I'll let you know how the 2nd ultrasound goes on Friday.