Transfer

This morning we woke up at the crack of dawn to get to my acupuncture appointment by 6:15. That appointment was wonderfully relaxing. I was done by 7 and had time to kill before the transfer at 7:45. So, we went to Le Peep's for a quick breakfast (mm mm). Then we got to the hospital, I took my Valium in the parking lot and then began drinking water like it was my job! Once there they just took my vitals, gave me a lovely gown to change into and then took us back to the transfer room at about 9am. Dr. Jarrett did do the procedure, thankfully, although he didn't look like he was staying long. He had on work out pants and a shirt when usually he has scrubs on. The biologist came in with the report of our embryos. We only had 2 fertilize and one had divided to 4 cell, the other to 7 cells. They were both graded a 2/4 which is considered good, but not great. They said they've still had a lot of pregnancies result from grade 2's. Here is the picture of our baby embryos.

We're praying at least one of them holds on!!!!!!! The procedure took about 5 minutes- just loading the embryos in a thin catheter and placing them directly in the uterus guided by an abdominal ultrasound. I then laid there for 5 minutes and then was able to get up, go the bathroom, get dressed and ready to leave. I then returned to the acupuncture clinic for a final treatment. With the help of the Valium I fell asleep on the treatment table. It was wonderful. We then came home to crash on the couch which is where I've been up to now. I'm looking forward to a relaxing weekend of nothingness. Lots of reading, movies etc. Thanks for all of your continued prayers. We're remaining hopeful. . . . . .

Fertilization report

This morning the biologist called to inform of the fertilization at this point. So far only 2 show signs of fertilization. I was bummed that only 2 out of 6. There is the possibility that more could fertilize in the next day or so. But, now we're really praying that those 2 continue to divide and grow like they are supposed to. All it takes is one, but it's nerve racking to know we only have 2 to chose from and hopefully both of those mature to use them both.

The transfer is scheduled for 9am on Friday (5/9) and we have to be there by 7:45. Before that I will have an acupuncture treatment at 6:45 at the clinic just up the road. So, please pray for our embryos and their development. Pray for the transfer to go well, for me to stay relaxed and for one of them to stick!!!! Even though we may only have 1 or 2 to transfer back, I keep hearing God's voice telling me to trust Him. It's so hard! It's so easy to worry!

One thing that's been on my heart lately is just the sadness of having to go to this degree and this much stress to have a child. So many people can have children so easily and take that for granted. This kind of sadness is not one you can understand unless you've been there yourself. I have to remind myself when others are talking about their ease of having children etc. that it's not meant to be hurtful towards me. Sometimes being around moms and their babies or pregnant women is hard for me. Sometimes I just have to walk away and take a few deep breaths and remind myself that God has something good for me too. I just have to trust Him with that. You might call it jealousy or covetousness or whatever you wish, but it's real and it's hard to quite that feeling. But, we're praying that this will be our chance, our turn to have a child. We pray that God will bless that.

Proverbs 3:5 TRUST in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.

Retrieval day

This morning we arrived at the hospital expecting the usual from last time. When I was being lead back to the prep room the nurse asked to confirm that Dr. Schultz was doing my procedure. I said, No, I was expecting Dr. Jarrett. Well, she called up to his office to find out that it was going to be Dr. Schultz since Dr. Jarrett was off today. She understood my being upset and suggested that I talk to the office about my feelings and the fact that no one informed me it would be Dr. Schultz (his partner). I was given a gown and robe to change into and gradually began to feel more and more upset about the whole thing. I began to cry and then sob about it all. Curtis held me and prayed with me that we could trust God no matter who did the procedure. I kept saying, "I'm sure she's good, but she's not MY Dr. and I wasn't expecting this." I laid down on the bed trying to calm down praying and talking to myself. I kept thinking, God is bigger than this and His will will be carried out regardless of who does the retrieval. I then heard Dr. Jarrett's voice out the hallway. I was thinking, what is he doing here if it's his day off, but was sure he was just passing through. The biologist then came in to go over a few things with me, then the nurse to put in the IV. While one nurse was doing the IV the original nurse came in to tell me that Dr. Jarrett was in fact here and would be doing the retrieval. I thought, "are you serious?". She said that somehow he's come in to do it. She wasn't sure of the details. Then, when he came in I said, "I thought you were supposed to be off today.' He said, "Well, I was. . . I was supposed to be leaving for New Orleans this morning." It turns out he was supposed to be going with his wife for something with her business, but late last night found out he didn't have to go. I told him how glad I was he was there and would be doing the retrieval. He said, "I wouldn't miss it". But, I'm thinking, well you almost did. . . . He then wheeled the bed and me down to the OR. Then I asked, "So I hear that you don't do transfers on Fridays?" He said, "well, not necessarily". I then asked, "Is there any chance you could do my transfer on Friday?"
He said he would do his best. So as you can see, it was kind of a stressful morning even before anything got started, but it all worked out in the end. Curtis was saying how God is just continuing to teach us to trust Him more and more. Man, but what a hard lesson.

So, anyway, about the retrieval. All in all it went well. He was only able to retrieve 6 eggs, which I was kind of bummed about. I asked him afterward if the others weren't mature and he said, "For you, 6 is good." Whatever that means. So maybe the other follicles weren't mature or didn't contain an egg or who knows. Anyway, it doesn't matter. Now we're praying that all or at least most fertilize enough that we have 2 really good embryos to transfer back on Friday.

Today is a beautiful day to be home to rest. I was dozing while reclining on the patio earlier. Curtis is working on draining and refilling the hot tub and is pretty excited about using it now. :)

Tomorrow is the day

Today I had final blood work and found that my estradiol (estrogen) is now 2000 something. Ideal is around 1500, so I'm close. The first time around it was 6000. Not good. Anyway, everything is still a go for tomorrow morning. We are to arrive at 8am with the retrieval scheduled at 9:30. It basically goes like any other surgery. We'll go back to the prep room, change into an oh so lovely gown. Get the IV put in and wait until they take me back to the OR. Last time they let me walk in and lie down the table. I'll get a "cocktail" of meds to induce a conscious sedation (which basically feels like general anesthesia because I don't remember a thing). Then it's off to la la land while Dr. Jarrett retrieves the eggs via needle aspiration. We're praying for large number of mature eggs and that all fertilize well. Then, the transfer will happen on Friday (5/9) if all goes well. Unfortunately Dr. Schultz will do the transfer. She is Dr. Jarrett's partner and I'm sure she's good, but she's not MY Dr. Oh well. I'm sure it will be fine. Dr. Jarrett doesn't do the transfers on Fridays. . .
I'll let you know how things go in the next day or so. Thanks for the prayers!!!!!

New updates

I have had 3 appointments this past week for ultrasounds/blood work. This time the follicles are progressing nicely, but slowly. Which is fine considering what happened last time with the OVER stimulation. My last appointment was this Saturday. I had about 6 follicles on my left ovary and 3 on the right with many other small ones slowly progressing. And, the most important part, my hormone levels are right on where they should be. The nurse talked to Dr. Jarrett and then called me later in the day. Dr. Jarrett is pleased with the progress and believes I'm ready to go ahead with the egg retrieval on Tuesday (5/6). So, I was instructed to give myself the HCG injections tonight at 9:30 to mature the eggs and prepare them for ovulation. The timing on the shot has to be exact because the retrieval will happen exactly 36 hours later and ovulation would occur by 40 hours. So, he has to get them out before they ovulate on their own. Tomorrow morning I go in for my "Pre-Op" appointment to discuss paperwork and what to do on Tuesday and I have final blood work taken. So, we're please that everything seems to be progressing on schedule.

I am now officially DONE with shots. YEAH!!!!!! All I would have left as far as meds is progesterone as a pill or suppository (ugh). The only other needle sticks I have left are the blood draw tomorrow, the IV with the retrieval and the needle aspiration of the eggs. Oh, and one more acupuncture the day of transfer. OK, I guess that is still a lot of needles. See what I mean about being a pin cushion?????? Oh well, it will all be worth it to have a baby at the end!

We've been working like crazy on our yard with planting, transplanting, mulching etc. because I know as of this week. . . . my butt is going to be planted in a chair for a few weeks. That won't be all bad. I'll enjoy sitting outside (hopefully) reading and spending some time relaxing, praying etc. It will be a good thing.

FSH shots

Well, so far the "big" FSH shots haven't been too bad. It helps that Dr. Jarrett decreased my dose by about 1/2 from what it was the first time. So, there is less medication to push through the tiny needle and it takes less time to mix etc. So, I'm pleasantly surprised. I do notice though that I have some adhesions/scar tissue from the previous numerous injections in my belly. There are some areas where the needle does not go in easily and it hurts like crazy. So I'm trying to avoid those spots. I'm running out of good spots. . . .

I have my first ultrasound/bloodwork tomorrow after starting the FSH to get an idea of how things are progressing. Hopefully we're on track. Please pray toward that end! :)

I've also had another acupuncture treatment last week. It's interesting. I don't really feel any different after it's done, but hoping that my hormones etc. are responding will to it. Although, I did come home from it this last week and felt inspired to do some cleaning out and organization. Curtis said, "we'll have to send you to do the acupuncture more often." Very funny.

This is a stressful process despite TRYING to say relaxed. Just the waiting, wondering what's going to happen next, how am I going to respond, will the eggs develop well, will the eggs fertilize etc.. . .. . it's so easy to get into a pattern of worrying. I'm just praying for God to calm my heart and teach me to trust Him over and over again. He knows what is in store and we know it's GOOD. Oh, if only I could teach my heart to know that and give up worrying about it! I'll let you all know how tomorrow goes.

Moving on

I know it's been a long time since I've posted last. You all are probably wondering what has been going on with me/us. Well, to be honest until recently there wasn't much to say. Just waiting. And, I think it's probably been good for me to "disconnect" from the blog, IVF forums etc for a while. It was getting a little obsessive last time around. Also, it's been good to have my mind on other things. Happy things. Not worrying. I must say, I think the spring time does help my overall mood and outlook on life.

Anyway, I'm getting into the thick of the meds. I started the Lupron injections a week ago and have just finished 22 days of birth control pills. For those of you who don't know- these are to depress my own hormones so that the artificial stimulating hormones can take full effect. Getting back to doing the injections again was as though I never stopped. No big thing. At least not so far. The stimulating meds (FSH) are a bigger deal. I'll let you know how that goes in a week. I start those on 4/25.

I've been doing a lot of reading in the past couple months. I've been learning what else I can do to maximize my chances of success this time. Let's face it- only 30% isn't great so anything I can do to improve that is positive. I've been reading a lot about Traditional Chinese Medicine and what that can offer. It's been eye opening and I think it does provide another perspective to improve fertility. Basically I've been trying to do some diet modifications including eating primarily organic meats and produce, taking some supplements and trying to find methods to relax and de-stress. I'm also pursing doing accupuncture as several studies indicate that this improves IVF success rates. I had my first accupuncture consult/treatment this past Wednesday. It was an interesting experience. I'm just hopeful it will provide a method of relaxation and improve my odds. I will continue the treatments weekly until the transfer and then one treatment the morning of the transfer and one a week later.

I also had my "Start Cycle" appointment this past week. This basically entailed having a baseline ultrasound and bloodwork, discussing when I do what meds and forking over a whole load of cash. In a way, though, it was a relief to pay it and know that we are DONE paying. We now have 3 chances with that $- God forbid we need them all. My ultrasound and bloodwork came back normal so everything is a go so far. I'll keep you posted.:)